Being pregnant for the first time

Being pregnant

Being pregnant [Illustration by Shiju George]

Last year, while holidaying in Europe, I conceived my first baby. I was not overjoyed, perhaps because both my husband and I, married for only six months, were not yet prepared to be mom and dad. The baby probably heard our thought, and in the eighth week of the pregnancy, I suffered a missed abortion.

That cold day in December when the doctor was administering anesthesia to carve out the lifeless fetus, I realised just how much I wanted the baby. From not wanting to be a young mom to feeling jealous of every woman who carried a kid, this short term pregnancy had brought about a sea-change in my perceptions of motherhood. The doctor, sensing this sudden onset of impatience, advised me, “Wait at least for three to four months before the next pregnancy.”

Exactly four months later, I was pregnant again. Even though the doctor confirmed my pregnancy, she couldn’t confirm the well-being of my child. She asked me to wait for another three weeks for the heart of the baby to start beating. Those were the longest three weeks of my life. I couldn’t announce nor celebrate my eagerly awaited pregnancy. On 14th of May, a day before my first wedding anniversary, the doctor viewed my baby in an ultrasound scan, confirmed the heartbeat and finally congratulated me on my impending motherhood.

Today, about 21 weeks into my pregnancy and my baby growing every minute, doubts still continue to plague me.

In the beginning, the gender issue bothered me; the choice of male or female seemed important. But now I realise that the choice is neither important nor is it in my hands. Another fear is the rotund matronly physique that most moms support. Would I or won’t I shed all the extra baggage and what is the ideal time frame for it?

My supreme fear is whether my baby would be in the pinkest of health, as all baby posters show; would he/she be born normally or would both of us have to go the difficult way? I’ve realised one thing, though. Knowledge is not always that great a thing to have. The more one knows, the more one tends to speculate on all that can go wrong.

In complete contrast to me is my husband. He suffers from a condition called equanimity. Nothing seems to disturb him. Whenever I seek him to add fuel to my doubts, all he offers me is a one-liner: “I believe in destiny, so should you.” He has already thought of beautiful names for his daughter/son. He comes home every evening, strokes my stomach and says hello to his baby. We are both eagerly awaiting the day we can hold the living-kicking bundle in our arms and thank the Creator for His exquisite gift.

11 comments on “Being pregnant for the first time

  1. i have been married since Nov. 4, 2012. my husband and i are anscious for a baby. there is still no pregnancy between us. i have tried fertility drugs since and it’s not working. i have normal periods and experience my ovulation every month but still, no pregnancy. any suggestions on how this could happen?

  2. My First time pregnancy was two and half months after my wedding and i was so so much happy and grateful to God. It was funny bt confusing because i wasn’t sure of it. But grateful to God. Now i need to know how to take care of it the lst month?

  3. I have been looking forward to be a mother for the last 8 yrs and now it is finally here; it was even unexpected since my partner and I only get to see each other once or twice a year. I even thought maybe I cant get pregnant and when I get pregnant this time, I am so happy. I know I am ready to be a Mom. This is my 1st time pregnancy and looking forward for my bundle of joy. I am still on my 1st trimester and there are days when I feel those morning sickness and nausea from morning til midnight but I cant complain. I only have to think about my baby. I am advise bed rest for 3 weeks. Just be patient about getting pregnant, it will happen.

  4. just dnt get uself soo worried.kip waitin upon the lord.also,try to read from the internet the best positions that can easily lead to pregnancy.ol d best.

  5. i want to be a mother but i cant yet now.i did follicolamatory test there is seen right ovary-multiple immature follicles are seen,larger two measures-7mm.5mm&5mm.4
    left ovary-multiple immature follicles are seen,larger two measure-5mm.4mm&4mm&4mm.then i take advised a doctor she advise me to eating tab.letrol 2.5mg(1+0+2) ,tab.ovuclon 100 mg n tab tab.zifolet since period 2day to after 5day but when i did next follicolamatory test then seen same results.but i am so worried .plz tell me what can i do? can i never to be a mother?,?

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